seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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