Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Randomize
