ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
