Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
