I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
birth control should be required to get into college
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
