if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
