he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
