I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
