if you like me you must not know who I am
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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