worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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