I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
