It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
