it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
This baby is an asshole
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
