The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
