I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
