I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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