I showed him my bush... on skype.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
