Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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