Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize