Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
