Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
