put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
