Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
