i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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