I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
