I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dicks are not precious.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
