Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
