Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
