just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
