Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
