they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
