Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
