she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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