rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
