I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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