no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
