Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
