I cannot find my penis.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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