Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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