i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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