Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
