You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
