I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
