if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
