i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
