Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
