im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
