I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
