i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
