Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Randomize