New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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