It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
