let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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