Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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