I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
