turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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