No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
