who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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