I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
