His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
