I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
operation have a gay friend backfired
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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