somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
