And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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