I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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