Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
