Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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