just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Life is so much better after having sex.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
