Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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