I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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