I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
