I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
