My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I still have a little drunk in my system
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Randomize
